Not Good Enough

Friday, April 1, 2016

I've been spending most of my days lately thinking that I'm not good enough. 

I'm not good enough on doing my job. I'm trying every single days to love what I do. I don't hate the job, it is just not my thing. The only thing I know about this job is that we're making some money. No job, no money. No money, no living. While I'm not hating the job, I'm also feeling guilty not doing what I supposed to do. But, what actually that I supposed to do?

I'm not good enough as a wife. Andreas still wakes me up in the morning, while some of wives out there might get up first and prepare all things in the morning. I often get lost in the kitchen. Sometimes I don't know what to cook, and worry too much if my hubby gets bored with his daily scrambles/sunny-side-up for breakfast, just because that the only dish I can cook the best and he loves it... and he actually never complains. Sometimes I feel I can't manage our financial well. There's a time I'm easily spending our money but the other time I afraid we're spending too much. Why do we spend the money for a fancy meal? Don't we have to save more for a house? For the baby? For the investment?

And right now, I'm feeling that I will probably not good enough as a mom. I know this is silly, the baby still on the way. But some part of me, it seems so scary already. As another part of me thinking that "I'm not good enough as a wife", how could it possible for me to be a good mom. 
 
After you done reading this, you might find this is only crappy post written by someone who is dealing with both her identity-crisis and being pregnant.

Or perhaps this is just a thing called, pregnancy brain?

4 comments:

  1. Awww sending virtual hugs from here. My dear, never ever let anyone, including yourself telling you that you're not good enough. Self improvements are necessary, but not in a negative way. You know it's not good for you when it's bringing you down.

    Not saying this just to comfort you, but you are such great person and you will do very well in everything in life, though most of the times us human need time to learn to do good, but eventually we will :) Every one of us all struggles the same, to be better, don't we?

    Give yourself some time to feel better and dear trust me one day you will. Stay positive as the Jane I know, who's always passionate about the things that she does. I don't think that it's wrong for you to feel this way, it's good! It's good because it means that you wished to be better in life, because you want to improve yourself, so cheer up! I'm always here for you if you need to talk and you know the other bichis will always be too!

    Lots lots of love from me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww dear (''':

      Thank you for always cheering me up, sist. Maybe this is just another phase that I'm going through now. Finger crossed I will find the better version of myself soon. You're right, I will never let anyone nor myself telling that I'm not good enough (again). And knowing some people like you guys that always beside me, I have nothing to worry about (:

      I love you too and hugs back from here!

      Delete
  2. Ka Jane, normal normal aja kok :) semua ibu-ibu muda pasti begitu - have you heard about baby blues? But I hope you can manage it well. God always with you three. Dan kk bisa selalu menemukan resep resep mudah di internet loh. izokaayy! Semua butuh adaptasi dan proses.

    SEMANGAT untuk keluarga kecil kalian! God bless you three always & forever.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Persis masalahnya! 😅😂 Hang in there ❤️

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and commenting here. All comments are moderated and I'll reply to your comments daily, so please check back. Nice to chat with you (: